Words

Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

We Also Would Have Accepted “Cuban”

Teen girl: What that thing that Frank Sinatra was? It starts with a “k”?
Teen friend: A “crooner”?
Girl: Yeah, that's it. A crooner.

Starbucks
Ontario
Canadia

Or There'll Be No Peace When You Are Done

Girl #1: I have cows in my head!
Boy: What?
Girl #1: We're playing “Carry on Wayward Son” in orchestra. C-o-w-s.
Boy: Oh.
Girl #2: You really need to tell people that before you tell them you have cows in your head.

St. Joseph High School
Michigan

Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.

Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.

Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche

What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?

Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word… Let's say “elfman” is awake!”

San Diego Zoo
California

And If They're Really Yummy, It's “Mmm”

Asian bimbo #1, filling out apartment application: How do you spell “roommate”?
Asian bimbo #2 : Well… If it's just one person, it has one “m”. It it's two or more, two “m's”

UC Riverside
California

Overheard by: Sophya

After MC Skat Kat, Paula Abdul's Career Went Into the Toilet

Student: What's “scat”?
Professor: Poop.
Student: Oh, shit!

Godfrey, Illinois

Overheard by: M

The Rachel Ray Show We've All Been Waiting for

Guy: Do you know what “felching” is?
Girl: No… Is it tasty?

New Jersey

When I Drink, I Become Fluent in Arabic

Drunk boy, about text message: That doesn't say anything.
Drunk girl: Yes, it does. It says, “hey, what's up?”
Drunk boy: No, it doesn't.
Drunk girl to sober girl: Does this say, “hey, what's up?”
Sober girl: No. It says, “al aloof ah.”

Brantford
Ontario
Canadia

Which, BTW, Would Be a Great Rapper Name

White guy: How do you pronounce your name? Is it “Ty”?
Asian guy: No, it's “Tee,” as in “teabagging.”
White guy: Oh. (pause) Wait! What?
Asian guy: Sorry, maybe I should have said “sweet tea.”

Atlanta, Georgia

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