As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course

Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/08/it_will_be_a_marriage_built_on.html

Overheard by: bleep

Posted on August 13, 2009
Animals, Compare and contrast, Old folks, Overheard in Minneapolis, Poop, Wishes, Women

At Least, That's What I'll Be Contending at the Michael Vick Trial.

Tattooed girl: I don't wrestle live dogs anymore. Now I wrestle humans.

Springfield, Missouri

Overheard by: Summer

Posted on August 12, 2009
Animals, Girls, Missouri, Weirdness

Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?

College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.

Marquette, Michigan

Posted on August 5, 2009
Animals, Employees, Feelings, Michigan, Students, Weirdness, Wishes

That Would End the Fun and Games

Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Smallison

Posted on August 4, 2009
Animals, Body parts, Guys, Massachusetts, On the phone, Parenting, Public transportation, Train

Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others

Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.

Bus
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on July 30, 2009
Animals, Bus, Girls, Questions, Relationships, Washington, Weirdness

Who Also Sweats Through His Pants

Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on July 28, 2009
Animals, Babysitters, Body parts, Compare and contrast, Hair, Kids, Missouri, Questions, Sensory experiences

Later, Steve Would Steal Them, And Have Them Surgically Implanted

Young boy, pointing enthusiastically at a goat: Dad! Dad! Look! That goat has some big ol' balls!
Father, indulgently: Mmm-hmm. I like that one.

San Antonio, Texas

Posted on July 26, 2009
Animals, Balls, Dads, Kids, Parenting, Texas

…With Excellent Eyesight.

Male state trooper to female state trooper: At that point they don't even qualify as carrots anymore. They're more like small creatures.

China Harbor
Bangor, Maine

Overheard by: Kim

Posted on July 8, 2009
Animals, Compare and contrast, Cops, Food, Maine

Tonight's Movie: How I Got Into Community College

Girl, exiting SAT test: So how'd it go?
Friend, excitedly: I drew a bunny!

SAT Testing Center
Eugene, Oregon

Posted on July 7, 2009
Animals, Friends, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Oregon, Questions, Stupidity

There's One in Every Family

Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.

Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia

Overheard by: Suitably Impressed

Posted on July 6, 2009
Animals, Australia, Employees, Family ties, Kids, Moms, Money, Offers and requests, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes

Animals

Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?