Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?

College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.

Marquette, Michigan

Posted on August 5, 2009
Animals, Employees, Feelings, Michigan, Students, Weirdness, Wishes

That Would End the Fun and Games

Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Smallison

Posted on August 4, 2009
Animals, Body parts, Guys, Massachusetts, On the phone, Parenting, Public transportation, Train

Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others

Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.

Bus
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on July 30, 2009
Animals, Bus, Girls, Questions, Relationships, Washington, Weirdness

Who Also Sweats Through His Pants

Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on July 28, 2009
Animals, Babysitters, Body parts, Compare and contrast, Hair, Kids, Missouri, Questions, Sensory experiences

Later, Steve Would Steal Them, And Have Them Surgically Implanted

Young boy, pointing enthusiastically at a goat: Dad! Dad! Look! That goat has some big ol' balls!
Father, indulgently: Mmm-hmm. I like that one.

San Antonio, Texas

Posted on July 26, 2009
Animals, Balls, Dads, Kids, Parenting, Texas

…With Excellent Eyesight.

Male state trooper to female state trooper: At that point they don't even qualify as carrots anymore. They're more like small creatures.

China Harbor
Bangor, Maine

Overheard by: Kim

Posted on July 8, 2009
Animals, Compare and contrast, Cops, Food, Maine

Tonight's Movie: How I Got Into Community College

Girl, exiting SAT test: So how'd it go?
Friend, excitedly: I drew a bunny!

SAT Testing Center
Eugene, Oregon

Posted on July 7, 2009
Animals, Friends, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Oregon, Questions, Stupidity

There's One in Every Family

Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.

Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia

Overheard by: Suitably Impressed

Posted on July 6, 2009
Animals, Australia, Employees, Family ties, Kids, Moms, Money, Offers and requests, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes

Unless You Got Johnny Depp to Lick It Out.

Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!

Universal Studios
Florida

Posted on July 1, 2009
Animals, Body parts, Compare and contrast, Crazies, Florida, Food, Murder

…After What Happened Last Time?

Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it…wait for it… Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Disgusted

Posted on June 30, 2009
Animals, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, North Carolina, Questions, Sex, Sorority types, Weirdness

Animals

Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?