Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
Simsbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: rehreh88
Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.
St. Louis, Missouri
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know… In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!
Universal Studios
Florida
Guy on phone: I didn't, like…have eye-sex with him. (pause) I didn't fuck him in the eye!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike Dunn
