Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.
St. Louis, Missouri
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know… In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!
Universal Studios
Florida
Guy on phone: I didn't, like…have eye-sex with him. (pause) I didn't fuck him in the eye!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike Dunn
Coed: I like your bladder.
USC
Los Angeles, California
Girl in humanities course: I don't trust Chinese people with my eyebrows.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused college student
Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Professor: So does anyone know what the word “matrix” means in Latin?
(silence)
Professor: Well it means “womb.” Now, why might that be? Let's think about it…I mean, I guess a womb is a pretty good place to put…things.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
