20-something girl to table of people: And I was like, “Whoa, mom–your nipples are like top hats!”
Kasey's Tavern
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara
20-something girl to table of people: And I was like, “Whoa, mom–your nipples are like top hats!”
Kasey's Tavern
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara
Hipster girl to friend: I heard the most offensive thing in Crate & Barrel!
San Francisco, California
Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut…
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Agreed
Friend #1: We should all say something about ourselves. One thing good and one thing bad.
Friend #2: What about you?
Friend #1: Well, I have a good sense of humor. And I guess something bad would be that the other day, I slept with some person because I didn't have a place to stay, but in the morning, I'd forgotten his name…so when he went out his room I had to search through it to find some kind of identity card of his so I could pretend I knew it all along. His name was Richard.
Pub
London Bridge
England
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it… The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn't there something up with birds? Like, aren't they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um… Thousands of different animals are dying…
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!
Small Town
Nebraska
Student #1: The professor wanted us to list our ten favorite books.
Student #2: So?
Student #1: All I could think of was “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Grandma: I don't like these halogen lightbulbs. They are ugly, like men's penises.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha
Muslim girl: I’m really emo, but you couldn’t tell from looking at me.
Other girl: Really?
Muslim girl: Yeah, but I don’t cut myself. Well, technically. It depends what you mean by cutting yourself.
University of Toronto
Toronto
Canadia
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
