Compare and contrast

Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane

Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.

Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

But It's Just a Cornish Game Hen

Professor: It must seem like I'm beating you over the head with a frozen chicken breast.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

That's What Everyone Says. And Everyone Lies.

Woman: I'd rather do the kidnapping than be kidnapped.
Man, snorting in disbelief: Oh, puh-lease!

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: MarthaQ

Except That Donatello Would Never Leave You Dangling

Teacher: See, adjectives are boring old turtles.
Students: Uhhh.
Teacher: But participles are like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Marshall High School
Virginia

Overheard by: amused student….

No Matter Where I Take You, You're Still You

Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men…they're the same everywhere.

Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia

Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something

Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books…

Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Eavesdropper…

That's Your Yearbook Quote?

Teenage girl to friends: The groin is the eye, no?
Teen friend: The eyes are the groin of the face!
First teen: Right!

Ferry
Larkspur, California

Overheard by: I Know, I know

If You’d Like to Know How Sound Carries, Consult the School Nurse

Biology teacher: [badly draws a woman singing into a microphone, which looks suspiciously like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for example…
[class laughs]Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laughing about] Uh…[erases drawing]… We’re just not going to draw today.

Connecticut

…As My Grandma Always Said to Me.

Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift…I would, just to see you fuck up.

Perth
Western Australia
Australia

Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?

Dad: That’s an awfully big brownie. You know it’s so big it’s a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)

Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: Tim

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