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Or Mechanical Bull — Whichever’s Closest.

Drunk Texan to car with window open: Excuse me, where’s the nearest brothel?

Miller Park parking lot
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church

Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I’m going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.

Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida

Overheard by: Rae Crider

For the Last Time, These Are Tabs of E.

Four-year-old boy to eight-year-old sister: Geez! Just take some Midol and relax!

Six Flags
Maryland

Of All the Ways to Describe Giving Birth…

Chick to friend: Can I get that pulled out of my cervix in September?

Davis Square
Somerville, Massachusetts

E-U-G-E-N-I-C-S

Loud woman: How do you spell ‘taxi’?

1801 Alexander Bell Drive
Reston, Virginia

That’s a BMW, You Little Freak.

Two-year-old, pointing at car: Mercedes!

Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Beverly Hills, California

Overheard by: McF

Just Part of What It Means to Be an American

Dude: Is it strange that every time I hear opera, it makes me think of Looney Tunes?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Rosie

I Mean, Tea, Biscuits and Stories about the Blitz…!

Teen boy #1: What? You love old ladies?
Teen boy #2: Like. Like.

Leeds
UK

Who Knew Yuppie Teens Could Leave Us So Intrigued?

Yuppie teen girl #1: I’m sooo glad it didn’t happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their… like… stuff.

Hotel elevator
South Carolina

Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?

Doesn’t Smoke, Never Misses a Curfew…

Well-dressed older lady: That’s definitely one of the better diphthongs.

Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

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