Professor: It’s like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, ‘Wow, just look at that tile pattern!’
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Professor: It’s like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, ‘Wow, just look at that tile pattern!’
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have ‘ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a ‘gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have ‘ginas? Teachers have ‘ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
Kid in cafeteria: Yeah, that was the night we watched Shrek and made love for the first time.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cammie
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn’t in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Teacher: It should be written in the dress code, ‘Girls with bouncy boobs need to cover them up.’ Seriously! These girls are one bounce away from getting tips!
Jackson Memorial High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That’s plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I’ll tell you the truth — I didn’t have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn’t know he’d plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
Chick: Oh my god, look at this baby! It is so ugly! I didn’t think babies were allowed to be ugly!
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
