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Black woman on cell: I’m telling ya, they took everything out of my breasts. Every fucking thing’s gone.

Outside Fogg Art Museum
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Don’t want to know what.

Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Hobo #1, after growling at passenger: I had to growl at someone.
Hobo #2: Yup.

Seattle, Washington

Girl on cell: I don’t care how many times you fuck him. He’s your brother, and it’s still wrong!

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

Chick: So… You know when you were little and you used to leave beer and cookies for Santa?

Palo Alto High School
Palo Alto, California

Overheard by: the governor

Thug #1: Man, it’s so hard to be in a relationship these days.
Thug #2: Yeah, my relationships die faster than those goldfish you win at a carnival.

Columbus, Ohio

Angry woman on cell: I told you — we have Bible study in a half-hour! Get your clothes on and get off of the computer!

Locust Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Professor: Usually people ride donkeys to the top of the mountain because it’s really steep. Afterwards, you can go down on the donkeys, too, if you’d like.

Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Caylin

Mother to young son in shopping cart: Do you wanna leave?! Do you wanna leave?! How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t lick the cart!

Easton, Massachusetts

Male neighbor: Hey, how ya doin’?
Female visitor: Not so good.
Male neighbor: What’s wrong? Girl problems? Something with your hoochie-koochie?

Lake Tapps, Washington

Overheard by: baker98391