Drinking & drunks

Ad: Kathleen Turner Is… Bendy Vadge, P.I.!

Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Wizzbiff

After You Get Your Rocks Off

Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.

Olympia, Washington

How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

Government Job?

Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-ok-im-pilot.html

Overheard by: aaron

“Action” Might Be Overstating It a Bit

Girl: Wait, I got some action from Alex* once when he was drunk… Does that make me a predator?
Guy: No, guys don’t really mind being taken advantage of.
Girl: Well, because he did pass out on me…

Oak Park, Illinois

Overheard by: Erin

God Bless Chicago.

Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?

Chicago, Illinois

I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs

Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse

Bloated Bellies Are the New Six-Pack

Drunk guy holding a forty: Malt liquor. This is going to get us buff, yo.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Meech

So I Hooked Up With His Friend

Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on “dating probation” and now I'm on “girlfriend probation.” His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like “what, you haven't made her official yet?” so he's like, “you have my friend to thank for this.”

UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation

…Before We Said Our Vows

Guy to ex-wife (about drunkenness): Yeah, the best time was at that wedding when you started drinking down those cinnamon things, and flashed that guy.

Oakland, Oregon

Overheard by: Erin

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