Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dumpster…

Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.

Wilmington, North Carolina

Posted on February 29, 2020
Ass, Compare and contrast, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, North Carolina, Violence, Weirdness

The Slut Recordkeeping System Parallels Major League Baseball’s

Drunk girl, loudly, to her drunk friends: I mean, she’s slept with or semi-slept with more people than I have!

Clark and Broadway
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: flunk_punk

Posted on February 20, 2020
Compare and contrast, Creepsters, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Illinois, Sexuality

But the Make-a-Wish People Laughed at Me

Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!

Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Posted on February 1, 2020
Alabama, Beauty, Colleges & Universities, Creepsters, Default, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Girls, Guys, Sex, Sexuality, Weirdness, Wishes

You Won't Feel a Thing, I Promise

Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on December 18, 2019
Ass, Backdoor, Drunks, England, Girls, Offers and requests, Philosophy

I Think I've Heard This Bob Dylan Song

Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.

Rye, New York

Overheard by: Grizzzly

Posted on December 18, 2019
Advice, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Guys, New York, Shoes, Teens, Weirdness

And See Them from the Inside

Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!

Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Posted on November 21, 2019
Drunks, Iowa, Rack, Threats

A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me

Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.

Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on November 7, 2019
Canadia, Default, Drunks, Offers and requests, Students, Weirdness, Wishes

Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie

Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.

Bar
Los Angeles, California

Posted on November 1, 2019
Bars & Clubs, California, Comebacks, Creepsters, Customers, Default, Drunks, Family ties, Guys, Insults, Names, Questions, Servers

She Wasn't Well Bread

Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.

Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on October 31, 2019
Bars & Clubs, Compare and contrast, Default, Drunks, Food, Guys, Oregon, Relationships

Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.

Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.

Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York

Posted on October 20, 2019
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Body parts, Clothes, Default, Drunks, Girls, New York, Offers and requests, Punks, Threats, Violence

Drunks