Girl: It’s not like you can wake up and be like ‘Hm. I want to be a girl today,’ and then put on your girl parts!
Guy: Ohhh… It’s not?
Auditorium Shores
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ellison’s Orange
Girl: It’s not like you can wake up and be like ‘Hm. I want to be a girl today,’ and then put on your girl parts!
Guy: Ohhh… It’s not?
Auditorium Shores
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ellison’s Orange
Sweaty guy: Lobsters are self-aware, man.
(friend #1 and friend #2 nod in agreement)
Sweaty guy: Yeah, I used to work in this restaurant, and we'd make this lobster soup every day. I'd put one lobster on the counter and one in the boiling water. Dude, as soon as the first lobster hit the water, his buddy would start freaking out. He would put his claws up, like he was pleading for his life.
Friend #1: Yeah, they're smart. My friend's family had a pet lobster. He'd eat with them and everything.
Friend #2: Like on The Simpsons!
Sweaty guy, to himself: Lobsters are self-aware. Crabs, they don't give a shit, but lobsters? They're self-aware.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Woman to friend: How can she know she's bi at 16? I'm 35 and *I* don't know if *I'm* bi!
Outside Steinmart
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: BecauseISaidSo
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
Man to friend: I think the worst part about this whole cancer thing is that his smell has changed.
Boston, Massachusetts
Cute girl #1: Hey, I want you to meet one of my best guy friends.
Cute girl #2 to male friend: Hey, nice to meet ya.
Male friend holding lighter, totally ignoring others: I can make fire! (shouting) I'm a goddamn wizard!
Johnson City, Tennessee
Overheard by: kiwi
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Laughing girl: So I was smelling his dirty socks and stuff…
Friends: What?!
Acadia University
Wolfville, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering why…
Woman, dropping friend off at airport, then heading to doctor's office: Enjoy your two weeks in France.
Friend: Thanks, enjoy your colonoscopy.
Airport
Ithaca, New York
Bird man: Well, you know, some kids’ll pay 12-hundred dollars a month to live in some tiny room in a tiny apartment.
Cat woman: I lived like that when I was a kid. It’s fun — just living in other people’s apartments.
Bird woman: Yeah! These days it’s more like it’s fun sleeping 20 in a bathtub.
Woodstock, New York
