I’m Considering Reaching Out to Her With a Fifty Caliber Rifle

Man #1: How’s your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: “How should I know?”? She’s your wife! Don’t you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.

Huxley, Iowa

Overheard by: Hondo

Posted on July 26, 2015
Crimes, Default, Friends, Guys, Iowa, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher

Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.

Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: Cassie

Posted on July 25, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, Feelings, Florida, Friends, Science

In the Sense That They Both Have Fewer Than Six Letters

Middle school boy: They could solve world hunger if they just kept cloning lots of sheep.
Friend: Aren't sheep like, tofu?

Radnor, Pennsylvania

Posted on July 24, 2015
Default, Food, Friends, Guys, Pennsylvania, Questions, Science, Stupidity, Tweens

We're Going to Congress!

Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.

American University
Washington, DC

Posted on July 22, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Drinking & drunks, Friends, Students, Violence, Washington, DC, Weirdness

Your Editors Are Still Giggling about “Beaverton”

Little boy holding a dog leash: OK, I’ll be the dog and you be the owner.
Little girl: OK!
Little boy: No, wait, you be the dog and I’ll be the owner.
Little girl: Don’t even *think* about it!

Beaverton, Oregon

Posted on July 22, 2015
Animals, Default, Friends, Kids, Offers and requests, Oregon, Sexuality, Wishes

The Miss America Pageant Regretting Bringing on Marilyn Manson As a Judge

Girl to friend: When I think beautiful, I think green hair.

Burbank, California

Overheard by: Amused shopper

Posted on July 22, 2015
Beauty, California, Friends, Girls, Hair

Hard to Believe, with All the Japanese Tourists.

Teen at Disneyland, loudly to a group of family and friends: Everyone's butt is obvious!

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Posted on July 17, 2015
Ass, California, Compare and contrast, Family, Friends, Teens, Weirdness

My Point Exactly

Stoner #1: Yo, what time is it?
Stoner #2: Oh! I know, right?

Roslindale, Massachusetts

Posted on July 17, 2015
Drugs, Feelings, Friends, Massachusetts, Questions, Stoners, Time Management, Words

It’s the Satanism

Guy: Yeah, so Boyd Rice–
Blonde punk: –Your obsession with Boyd Rice is just as bad as my obsession with Richard Simmons.
Guy: Yeah, pretty much.

Wendy’s
Round Rock, Texas

Posted on July 17, 2015
Friends, Pop culture, Texas

…After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop

Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.

Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: i laughed at this

Posted on July 16, 2015
Food, Friends, Girls, New York, Poop

Friends