Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Mormon guy: Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my dad beating the shit out of people.
Salt Lake City Airport
Utah
Overheard by: PartyByNight
20-something guy on phone: Then I went to McDonald's and they said that I'm too old. I'm not too old! I can go to Chuck E. Cheese if I want! I'm not too old. Just so long as I can have fun. I'm not too old…
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Just minding my own business as usual.
Film buff: What I want is to wake up next to a girl who I can have a great conversation with — someone I really want to talk to. And if I woke up next to Toshiro Mifune, that’d be interesting.
Northcote
Australia
Dude to chick: It's the first day of class–let's get wasted! (both hi five)
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Suit #1: Yeah mate, it was fucking wild…
Suit #2: Oh yeah?
Suit #1: Yeah, took her back to mine. She's a skank. I swear there were spiders crawling out of her vag.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Dart player #1: You're kicking ass because you can aim with your lazy eye.
Dart player #2: No, I'm not using my lazy eye.
Dart player #1: Well, it's still not fair.
Riprock's
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: still glad i don't have a lazy eye
Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say “there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!” (laughs)
Guy #2: That would be so cool.
Bus Stop
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Girl: Dang, it's raining!
Boy: Do you have an umbrella?
Girl: Yeah. I hate umbrellas.
Boy, surprisingly vehemently: Suck it up!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
