Guy to girlfriend: I like when we’re both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Guy to girlfriend: I like when we’re both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Guy to pal: Sometimes I wish it were socially acceptable to have another guy suck your dick.
Simpsonville, South Carolina
Girl to guy making out with her at bar: So, do you want my phone number?
Guy: If it was meant to be, I’ll guess it.
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: The Scandinavian
Loud smoking kid: Man, I gotta help out at vacation bible school next week.
Girl: Why?
Loud smoking kid: I promised Zach I would if I wasn't in jail.
Sewanee, Tennessee
Girl: Yeah…after he got out of prison he moved back in with us. He was always flirting with me and once tried to make out with me.
Guy: Ummmmmm, did you tell your mom?
Girl: No, I didn't mind, I thought he was cute.
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Guy: Look! A squirrel!
Girl: Awww! It’s cute.
Guy: It’s a girl squirrel.
Girl: How do you know?
Guy: It has squirrel tits. [Girl hits him over the head.]
Newark, Delaware
Guy to girl: So, do you call him “camp” for short?
Girl dead seriously: No, I call him master. He is my boyfriend, you know.
English Class
Tampa, Florida
Guy: Wait, Langston Hughes was gay? Damn, now I gotta take him off my Facebook.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!
First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas
Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!
Davidson, North Carolina
