Fine– Just Don't Wake Me

Guy to drunk girl at a party, whispering loudly: Will you have sex with me?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Please?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Aww…come on!

Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on July 7, 2018
Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Nebraska, Offers and requests, Questions, Sex

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Stay Out Of Michaels

Motorist at detour: What do you mean I have to go around? I can't go around! What's going on?
Frustrated firefighter: Fire Department activity sir.
Motorist: What kind of Fire Department activity?
Frustrated firefighter: Arts and crafts, sir. Move along.

Morris Plains, New Jersey

Overheard by: Pokey

Posted on July 6, 2018
Default, Employees, Names, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Questions, Words

And Your Left Water Wing Just Fell Out

Woman to man carrying giant innertube: You have to return that to the tube hut. Ha! You have a tube hut in your pants!
Man: I don’t even know what that means.

Swimming Pool
Gardner, Kansas

Posted on June 11, 2018
Default, Euphemisms, Guys, Kansas, Offers and requests, Women, Words

I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll

Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!

Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada

Posted on May 7, 2018
Black people, Default, Feelings, Guys, Nevada, Offers and requests, Old folks, Sex

So Give Me Back Those Quarters.

Dad to son: I don't need to pay someone 50 cents to tell me that I'm overweight.

Pheasant Lane Mall, New Hampshire

Posted on May 6, 2018
Dads, Default, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Malls, Money, New Hampshire, Offers and requests

Everybody's Dated a Mustache Girl– Just Not Publicly

Boyfriend: Baby, you have to shave that mustache.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I keep telling you I'm getting it waxed.

New Jersey

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 20, 2018
Beauty, Couples, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Shaving

I Knew Those DJ Lessons Were a Poor Idea

White father: There’s Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell.
Six-year-old son: [no response].
White father: There’s sushi.
Six-year-old son: Aw shizzle!

Food Court, King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on March 11, 2018
Compare and contrast, Dads, Food, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Whiteys

…When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.

Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.

Bridgeport, Connecticut