Suck His Toes and You’ll Be High for Days

Large black woman on cell: Girl! I’m tellin’ you, I don’t know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don’t want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil’ socks, you know… Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.

Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)

Posted on July 31, 2015
Airports & flights, Black people, Body parts, Clothes, Compare and contrast, Etiquette, Health & Hygiene, Hoochies, Maladies, Michigan, On the phone, Threats, Women

And How Do I Get That Job?

Woman on cell, after next bus stop is announced: Did you hear that? The woman giving the announcement? It's the same woman every time. I wonder where she is.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Posted on July 30, 2015
Eavesdrop DC, On the phone, Public transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Women

So They're Swimming Right Up the Ladder of Success

Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well… Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.

Covington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jesus Freak

Posted on July 26, 2015
Animals, Default, Guys, Kentucky, On the phone, Technology

We’re Hoping She Stays Out of the Minibar

Blonde on cell: We got a nice hotel room for our cat.

Montgomery and California
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on July 25, 2015
Animals, California, Default, Holidays, Idiots, On the phone, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women

The Bastard Sunk My Battleship

Girl on cell: I think the relationship really started going downhill when he took Western Australia from me.

Seattle, Washington

Posted on July 25, 2015
Default, Feelings, Games, Girls, On the phone, Relationships, Washington

If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass

Woman on cell: I know! I’m going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn’t go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!

Red line metro
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on July 25, 2015
Crimes, Default, Gripes, On the phone, Washington, DC, Women

… Father Mike?

Guy on cell: First, you take your girlfriend out drinking. Then she’s getting tattoos and piercings. Now she’s hooking up with chicks. Are you seeing a pattern here?

Light Rail
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on July 25, 2015
Gossip, New Jersey, On the phone

But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma

Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don’t worry, girl, I am listening to yo’ hideous self!

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: kerblammerz

Posted on July 23, 2015
Default, Employees, Etiquette, Guys, Insults, Kansas, Money, On the phone, Stores

He Left, While Singing, “Everybody Was Kung Pao Fighting…”

Guy on phone: Yo, g, I'm gonna go out to the club and get me some Pad Thai chicken. Hell yeah, you know what I'm talking about. K, peace.
Paralegal: What the fuck? Why Pad Thai? Why not Kung Pao?
Guy: Cause I don't want all that attitude up in my chicken. I want my chicken to sit down and shut the fuck up!
Paralegal: Get out of my office.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 21, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Food, Girls, Guys, Illinois, Offers and requests, On the phone, Questions, Wishes

Like Putting Mayo on French Fries

Jock on cell: I bet he’s a lame fuck. He wouldn’t do any of that weird stuff you like.

Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas

Posted on July 21, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Insults, Jocks, Kink, On the phone, Texas

On the phone