Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash… then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash… then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
Host to dumb tourist: Would you like to sit inside or in the garden?
Dumb tourist: What's the weather like in the garden?
Host: I'm going to guess that it's the same as outside the front door you just walked through.
Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Crash
Professor: Here's a good thing to compare to the turgor pressure in a plant cell: have any of you seen an erection?
University of Illinois at Chicago
Overheard by: suddenly paying attention
GameStop employee #1: No, dude, I swear, Puerto Rico was the 48th state.
GameStop employee #2: No it's not, dummy! Puerto Rico is not the 48th state. It was the 49th!
GameStop employee #1: Well, why don't I just look it up on my cell phone, I bet I'll prove you wrong. How do you spell “Puerto Rico”?
GameStop employee #2: P-o-r-t-o R-e-e-c-o?
Fleming Island, Florida
Stoned #20-something: If you could have sex with any fictional character, who would it be?
Drunk #20-something: Christopher Walken.
Stoned #20-something: He's not fictional.
(pause)
Drunk #20-something: He might as well be!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoe
Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.
St. Louis, Missouri
Woman #1, watching hobo in a dress: You know, I finally feel like I'm a metropolitan woman.
Woman #2: Why? Gotten used to the traffic, crowds, pollution and public transportation?
Woman #1: Well, yeah, but that's not why. See that guy in that dress over there? When I first came to the city, I would have been amused or shocked to see something like that. Now, my first reaction is: “Those shoes and socks don't go with that dress–and Macy's isn't that far away. Dude, go get some pumps!” I mean, how often do you think I would have thought to say “dude, go get some pumps” when I was still living in Ohio? I'm living the dream!
Financial District
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: And the jacket didn't match either
Hipster chick to hipster dude: If you could do any profession, what would you do? Like, if you gave your whole self to something?
Hipster dude: I don't know.
Hipster girl: I would be a tree surgeon.
Hipster dude: What's that?
Hipster girl: Like, it's an environmental way to trim trees. I would go around climbing trees all day and snipping them, and like, live in the forest. But I probably won't do that.
Hipster dude: Oh.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
