Sexuality

2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, “Buzzy the Dildo”

Guy: You know when you do a “Find File” in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog… It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha… Yeah. It’s better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh… Only because he doesn’t pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren’t in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don’t know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You’re such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I’m not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.

Portland, Maine

Straight Guys Totally Understand Why Girls Like Girls

Short skinny emo girl: I'm half gay.
Preppy dude walking by: There is so much to say there, so much to say.

Natick, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Un-gay friend.

As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest

Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn’t expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can’t check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there’s nothing equivalent. There’s no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That’s right. I have slapped lots of asses.

Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!

That’s Just Because You Didn’t Understand What ‘Phone Sex’ Meant

Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.

Stoneham, Massachusetts

Read Your Bible

Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!

High School
Utah

Overheard by: Weskimo

Remember How I Won That Pie-Eating Contest?

Chick: If I were a lesbian, I'd be really good at it.

Campsite, Southern Utah

Overheard by: Lauren

A Penis Doesn’t Care What You Think

Blonde: … And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, ‘But I thought you were a girl…’

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Anna

Getting Sexiled Is Too Good for Her

Guy #1: She totally wanted to hook up with me, and kept dropping hints to get her roommate to leave.
Guy #2: Like what kind of hints?
Guy #1: Like “Yeah, I’m really tired, I just want to go to sleep.” But her roommate would not leave the room.

Dorm Room
UCSB, California

Man Found Suffocated In Bed

20-something girl: Like, he's such a nice guy…I don't even suck in my gut when we're lying next to each other in bed anymore.
Friend: Aww…that's true love.

Yorkville
Toronto
Canadia

So I Did It on Scat Play

Teen girl: Well, I was gonna do my project on, like, abstinence. But then I figured everyone in our class already isn’t anyway.

High School
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kristin D

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