Female violinist, after conductor walks past: Do you ever want to slap Dr. Muller*'s ass? Cause I almost just did.
Female cellist: He has a doctorate in orchestral conducting.
Female violinist: And an ass I want to tap right now.
College Orchestra Tour Bus
Clive, Iowa
Boyfriend to girlfriend: If anyone ever walked in on us having sex, they'd swear we hate each other.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Girl to girlfriend: If our burritos were in jail, my burrito would rape your burrito.
Chipotle
Northridge, California
Teacher: Pants so tight it could snap your vagina off!
Sex-Ed Class
Tampa, Florida
Young lady with English accent, on cell: I told you I was going to be home in 15 minutes. (pause) I'm going to kill you. I'm going to stab you in the eye with a fork.
Chico, California
Overheard by: xfleshxwoundx
Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.
Taco Bell
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Overweight middle-aged woman, about infant crying non-stop: Oh my god, seriously, somebody just kill it.
Target
Norman, Oklahoma
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin… You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like… licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
