Gay professor: He's saying, “I like men and women,” and I'm like, “Ew!”
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I was seeing this girl, and she called me and said, “so I think I might be pregnant,” and I said “oh shit, really?” and then she just said, “yeah, but if I am I'll just put that fucker up for adoption.”
Escondido, California
Philosophy professor: A crisp cravat always gets me hot.
Wesleyan University
Bloomington, Illinois
Overheard by: ..Really?
Guy: I just want to know how big his nipples are!
Revolution Cafe
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Underage girl: I don't close my legs. (more defiantly) I won't.
Norman Regional Hospital
Norman, Oklahoma
Guy: You know what’s actually really good? Cocoa Puffs and bacon!
Chick: (blank stare)
Guy: Once I had them both and I ate one bite of Cocoa Puffs and one bite of bacon and they mixed in my mouth and it was good!
Chick: You make me want to vomit.
Harris Teeter
Bristow, Virginia
Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!
Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Broke Commuter
Security officer, pulling out fingernail clippers from carry-on: Sir, what are your intentions with these?
Man in line, deadpan: To take over the world.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Zombie
Giddy girl, to guy in a wheelchair: Well, you certainly have sexual harassment down pat.
Art Department
University of Alaska
Girl student: Her family is so weird.
Guy student: How so?
Girl student: Her dad, like, goes in her backyard and catches squirrels.
Guy student, after long pause: Wait, what does he do with them?
Girl student: Raises them?
Starbucks
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Ashlie
