Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm… okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Girl at party: These people are so disgusting! One guy actually called dibs on me.
Guy, loudly: Yeah, these people are douchebags.
Girl: Shhhh! They'll hear you!
Guy: So what?
Girl: Then they'll think I'm the one that brought all the weird people to the party.
Guy: You did.
Girl: But I don't want them to know that!
Random party guy: Yeah, dude, stop. You're embarrassing her in front of all the people she hates.
Columbus, Ohio
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kendal
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Idiot girl #1: Well, like, Brad is like one of your favorite toys, so you wanna play with him a lot. But Adam is like your most favorite toy, so you wanna play with him all the time! So when Ashley wants to play with him you're all, “Bitch, drop it!”
Idiot girl #2: That is the best analogy.
Guelph
Canadia
Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.
Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida
Overheard by: Chikara
Boyfriend: You ask too many questions! For every question you ask, you have to give me a blowjob!
Girlfriend, happily: Okay!
Boyfriend: Damn it!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
