[At computer lab.]Student #1: Try looking up “irony-“, that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn’t even a word, idiot.
Royalton, Minnesota
Overheard by: Lynn
Woman on cell: Slowly… over the next week… add a fruit.
Barnes & Noble
St. Louis, Missouri
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Preppy blonde on cell: She said she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him, so I told her: “wow, you really need to break up with him.” And she did!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Suit #1: You gotta stop traveling and eating out like this. You’re starting to pack it on.
Suit #2, slapping his stomach: Nah, after seven p.m. all this turns to dick.
Steakhouse
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Poor Bastard
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
College guy #1: I can't believe I wasn't invited to the wedding.
College guy #2: Maybe if you'd eat another lizard.
Clancy's Irish Pub
Keyser, West Virginia
Overheard by: Millicent Bystander
Girl: Well, if he's okay with handicapped, he'll be okay with crazy.
El Paso, Texas
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
Girl to stupid friend: If you’re going to lie, check your geography first.
http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/
Overheard by: stephanie