Man: Excuse me, but your skirt is caught on your bag and it's pulling your skirt all the way up.
Young woman (annoyed): Excuse me! Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!
Man: Fine then–walk around with your ass hanging out–see if I care.
Young woman (into her phone): Oh my god! Some guy just totally came up and told me that my ass is showing! (walks off with skirt still showing)
Airport
Sydney
Australia
Obese middle-aged tourist to husband: I called him and told him we're at passenger pick-up 2. He called and asked where we'd be, and I said passenger pick-up 2, that's where he can find us. It's just easier to find us when he gets here. Passenger pick-up 2. And it's cold. That's why I brought this vest. I brought this vest in case it got cold, and it got cold. I'm going to button it up. Did you hear me? I'm going to button it up. There, it's buttoned. (husband ignores her)
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: EthanK
Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they're all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.
Southwest Flight over California
Overheard by: Armen
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
http://zipster.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/overheard-on-the-plane-as-we-were-landing-in-puerto-vallarta/
Overheard by: The Zipster
Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.
Airpot
Newcastle
England
Impatient father to 5-year-old girl in toilet stall: Mary, hurry up, what are you doing in there?
Mary: I was just thinking about how great I am.
Men's Room, Airport
Fort Myers, Florida
Child: Why are we landing in Baltimore?
Mom: We switch planes there on the way home to Phoenix.
Child: What state is Baltimore in?
Mom: Um, let me think [picks up airline magazine to look at route map]. ‘Baltimore/Washington.’ Well, that doesn’t make any sense.
Southwest Airlines flight from Buffalo to Baltimore
Girl: I hate violinists!
Boy: What?
Girl: Violinists.
Boy: Oh. I thought you said “gang-bangers.”
BART Airport Train
San Francisco, California
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Guy to cab driver: I just want to go where nobody knows my name.
Cab driver: You mean Cheers, “where everybody knows your name”?
Guy: No.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
