Airports & flights

Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they're all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.

Southwest Flight over California

Overheard by: Armen

Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!

http://zipster.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/overheard-on-the-plane-as-we-were-landing-in-puerto-vallarta/

Overheard by: The Zipster

Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.

Airpot
Newcastle
England

Impatient father to 5-year-old girl in toilet stall: Mary, hurry up, what are you doing in there?
Mary: I was just thinking about how great I am.

Men's Room, Airport
Fort Myers, Florida

Child: Why are we landing in Baltimore?
Mom: We switch planes there on the way home to Phoenix.
Child: What state is Baltimore in?
Mom: Um, let me think [picks up airline magazine to look at route map]. ‘Baltimore/Washington.’ Well, that doesn’t make any sense.

Southwest Airlines flight from Buffalo to Baltimore

Girl: I hate violinists!
Boy: What?
Girl: Violinists.
Boy: Oh. I thought you said “gang-bangers.”

BART Airport Train
San Francisco, California

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Guy to cab driver: I just want to go where nobody knows my name.
Cab driver: You mean Cheers, “where everybody knows your name”?
Guy: No.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Bored woman on cell: Wow, you have a lot of potatoes.

Airport
Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: … What?!

Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.

Orlando, Florida