Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Girl: I think the live-action of GTO is so much better.
Guy: I think the live action of your mom is so much better.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Pilot, on PA system, after a slightly bumpy landing: Ladies and gentlemen, that landing was not me or the plane. That was our co-pilot–he's required to complete one landing a month. And he blew it. Welcome to Chicago.
Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nonplussed Passenger
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Punk girl: A lamp?
Punk guy: While it was still on.
Punk girl: Didn't that like…burn the colon?
Punk guy: Apparently it wasn't on at first. Someone decided to plug it in as a joke.
Punk girl, giggling: Oh my god…what happened with that?
Punk guy: I don't know–all I know is that it involved the hospital.
California
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I’m getting. Do you know what you’re getting?
White girl: I’ve never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye’s a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I’m sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye’s
Trenton, New Jersey
Freshman, loudly walking through dorm lobby: It wasn't an STD! …just, like, a germ-filled cesspool…
CSU
Fort Collins, Colorado
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She’s a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.
Denver, Colorado
