Since the Rain Machine Is Broken

Host to dumb tourist: Would you like to sit inside or in the garden?
Dumb tourist: What's the weather like in the garden?
Host: I'm going to guess that it's the same as outside the front door you just walked through.

Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Crash

Posted on August 6, 2009
Employees, Idiots, Questions, Restaurants, Science, South Carolina, Stupidity, Tourists, Weather

Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?

College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.

Marquette, Michigan

Posted on August 5, 2009
Animals, Employees, Feelings, Michigan, Students, Weirdness, Wishes

Then Where Are the Coconuts, Brainiac?

Tourist to park ranger: How do I get to Mt. Desert Island from here?
Park ranger: Ummm, you're standing on it.
Tourist: No, I'm not.
Park ranger: Yes, you are.
Tourist: This is ridiculous, I'm going to report you to the government.
Park ranger: No, really, you're on the island.

Mount Desert Island, Maine

Posted on July 19, 2009
Employees, Geography, Maine, Questions, Threats, Tourists

AndNone Of Your Trickery Is Going to Get Me to Admit That We Do

Patron: Double cheeseburger and small fries, please.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
Patron: What sizes do you have?
Counter boy: Medium, large and extra large.
Patron: Which size is the smallest?
Counter boy: Medium is the smallest.
Patron: Fine. I'll take the smallest, then.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.

McDonald's
Bloomington, Indianapolis

Posted on July 14, 2009
Clients, Employees, Food, Indiana, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity

…If It Were Spelled with a Silent T.

Teenager: Hey, which terminal is baggage claim?
Airport employee: Terminal T.
Teenager: Wait…which one?
Airport employee: Terminal T. “T” as in “Charlie.”

JFK Airport
New York City, New York

Overheard by:

Posted on July 9, 2009
Airports & flights, Employees, Names, New York, Public transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Words

There's One in Every Family

Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.

Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia

Overheard by: Suitably Impressed

Posted on July 6, 2009
Animals, Australia, Employees, Family ties, Kids, Moms, Money, Offers and requests, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes

Elizabeth Berkley Bad?

Employee #1: Yeah, you know the stripper's bad when a married man says, “uh, no thanks, I'm married.”
Employee #2, laughing: Man, that's bad.

Zoning Department, City Hall
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 29, 2009
Compare and contrast, Employees, Illinois, Relationships, Sex

Just the Check Then?

Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?

Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Deanna Gustav