Friends

As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest

Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn’t expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can’t check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there’s nothing equivalent. There’s no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That’s right. I have slapped lots of asses.

Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!

Don’t Lick the Glass This Time, Okay?

Guy outside of dressing room: Dude, what are you doing?
Guy in dressing room: I’m having some me time.
Guy outside of dressing room: I’m bored. (thinks about it for several seconds) I’ll be looking at belts.
Guy in dressing room: I’ll be looking at me.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/310148350/can-you-just-see-his-point-n-wink.html

Overheard by: business casual

Now, Who Wants More Monkey on a Stick?

Vegetarian girl: I think you guys should stop eating meat.
Friend: I don’t eat meat that much, but every now and then I gotta have a steak.
Vegetarian girl: Ewww, gross!
Friend: I mean, they’re not a necessity or anything, but if I had to choose between eating a steak and saving a puppy, I’d eat the steak.

San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: poor dog

They Know the Drill

Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I’m gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!

Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Big Larry

Moral: Never Ask Someone “Why Are You Walking Like That?”

Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)

San Francisco, California

Piano: “I Had Poison Ivy!”

Girl, bitching to friend: She was scratching my piano! I wanted to throw her down the stairs!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Soko

…I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant

Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.

Vancouver
Canadia

Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest

Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he’s just teaching there for the kielbasa.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

When Aesop Tried Peyote

Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Based Upon My Limited Series of Experiments

Father: My kid broke his face today. He tried to do a back flip and kneed himself in the eye.
Friend: It’s fine. Kids are like lizards — they grow stuff back.

Liberty Mutual
Boston, Massachusetts

© 2026 OverheardEverywhere.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist