Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That’s right.
Woman: That’s what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That’s right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
20-ish guy: If I have a little girl, I want her to either have the highest moral standards or be ugly as shit.
McCool Hall, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Guy #1: Oh, shit, I almost sat on my nuts! That shit would’ve fucking hurt!
Guy #2: I hate when that happens.
Guy #1: Yeah.
12312 West Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Discouraged guy to pal: I can’t stop having erections!
St-Jean Street
Old Quebec City
Canadia
Overheard by: My mom u-turned on the sidewalk and started running after him!
Guy #1: What if Heather was a guy?
Guy #2: If Heather was a guy, then I’d be gay.
Guy #3: If I was a guy, then I’d be gay!
Guy #1: … Wait, what?
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Guy #1: Sometimes I pretend I’m gay to get chicks at parties.
Guy #2: Does that really work?
Guy #1: Nah… I mean, it’s worked once, but I’m not sure she was a she.
Guy #2: Sweet! I’ve gotta try that!
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Regular
Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he’s not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!
Seattle, Washington
Dude #1: Do you trim your pubes?
Dude #2: Um, what? No… Why?
Dude #1: I do…
Dude #2: Okay…
Dude #1: And I think I trimmed them too much…
Dude #2: And?
Dude #1: Well, now my dick is itchy…
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: damn hiatus
