Guys

Captain, over intercom, after lights go out: You are getting veeeery sleeeeeepy… You do not want peaaanuts… You do not want soooodaaa… You just want to sleeeep until we laaaaand.

Southwest Airlines Flight over California

Overheard by: Andrew

Guy: She's pregnant? Isn't she like 16?
Chick: So?
Guy: That's so ghetto!
Chick: So what? Every pregnant 16-year-old is some ghetto welfare mama? For all you know she could be a great mom! You're too fucking judgmental!
Guy: (stunned silence)
Chick: Anyway, she found out it's a girl last week. She's naming her “Sequins.”

Toronto
Canadia

Young dude: Yeah, when I was dating her I found myself doing, like, things I didn't really want to do.
Female friend: Like?
Young dude: Like she had a really high sex drive, which, you know, is such a turn off.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/460141972/mark-this-on-your-calendar.html

Overheard by: yeah, I hate having sex with people I'm dating.

College dude to girl: Yeah, so they tagged my penis…

UC Irvine
Irvine, California

Five-year-old boy sitting in a shopping cart: Gi-ant vul-va! Gi-ant vul-va!
Mommy: Here's a chocolate truffle.

Whole Foods
Santa Monica, California

20-something JAP to nerdy date: I love rushing. In my sorority, like, for every girl who rushes, the girls, like, have to discuss the girl's pros and cons, and like, for every con there has to be a pro, so like if you say, like, the girl is a total retard, you have to say something pro, like, she has opposable thumbs.
Nerdy date: When I was rushing they would give me a hot dog bun, but there was something in it that was not a hot dog.
20-something JAP: Oh that reminds me, like, I'll sleep at your house tonight, but like, it's just gonna be sleeping, not like, sex or anything, you know, because, like, I have to get to know a person a lot better than I, like, know you before I do something like that.
Nerdy date: Oh absolutely. I mean, when I mentioned sleeping over before, I just meant, you know, sleeping. I didn't mean anything more than that.

Sarah Silverman Concert
Atlantic City, New Jersey

Game watcher: Well, this is where the Bears turn it on. When the tough get going the going gets tough. (pregnant silence) Well, I guess it's the other way around. I suppose it works either way, right?

Christina's Place
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Shrek

20-something guy: Dude, Putin is terrifying. I don't think I've ever seen him crack a smile.
Middle aged woman: I know! Don't you ever wonder what he's like, like, during sex?
20-something guy and girl in unison: No.

Virginia Commonwealth University

Elderly man: Human beings are rats.
Uncomfortable young man: Are you sure about that? Rats seem more…furry.
Elderly man: Human beings are furless rats.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Listening, speechless.

Boy: Why didn't black people just move back to Africa after slavery ended?
Girl: They didn't have the money to.
Boy: They could have gotten the money if they really wanted.
Girl: They didn't want to move back to Africa! They wanted to stay here, they just wanted equal rights. What's wrong with that?
Boy: I'm just saying that they could have moved back if they wanted rights and stuff.
Girl: That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Seriously, just stop talking.
(some time later)
Girl: This is why I hate white people, no offense you guys. I don't hate you personally, just as a race in general. They piss me off.
Boy: That's racist. Wow, this tastes good.

Panera at Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida