Just the Guy We’ve Been Looking For!

Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don’t need one. My wife says I’m an asshole.

Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick

Posted on February 3, 2016
Canadia, Default, Hubbies, Insults, Offers and requests, Relationships, Religion, Religious fanatics, Suits

I’ll Let You Use It for Special Effects in the School Play

Chick on cell: Hey! I had a miscarriage! Wanna hang out?

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on February 1, 2016
Abortion, Colorado, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Leisure, Offers and requests, On the phone, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Weirdness

Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.

Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!

Dorm Room
Wisconsin

Posted on January 27, 2016
Clothes, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Wisconsin

You Know It's Creepy When You Call Your Mom That, Right?

Guy going on holidays to friend: If the opportunity presents itself, could you please not fuck my girlfriend?

Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on January 26, 2016
Canadia, Friends, Guys, Holidays, Infidelity, Offers and requests, Sex

You'll Pick Up My Tab, Right?

Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)

Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: arrc

Posted on January 19, 2016
Bars & Clubs, Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Girls, Guys, Massachusetts, Names, Offers and requests, Questions, Suits

And It Goes “Bloop Bloop Bloop” When You Pour It

Girl: Do you want this in your coffee?
Boy: What is it?
Girl: It's half and half.
Boy: No. I don't know what that is.

Coffee Shop
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Don

Posted on January 7, 2016
Food, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Wisconsin

The FDA Has Less Influence Every Year

Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nana

Posted on December 28, 2015
Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Stores, Stupidity, Washington, DC, Women, Words

That's New Yorkese for “Pretty Please”

Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.

Rest Stop
New York Thruway

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on December 17, 2015
Dads, Death & dying, Default, Food, Girls, Kids, New York, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Weirdness

…Just on That Lady's Shoes.

Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.

Kingston-Upon-Thames
England

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on December 6, 2015
Drinking & drunks, England, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parenting, Pee, Should have used a condom, Toys

And It’s Important to Know About Paula Abdul’s Career Trajectory

Student: If none of this is going to be on the exam, why are we devoting a class to it?
Professor: Because I find it interesting, and you have to listen to me.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on December 6, 2015
Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Offers and requests, Questions, Students, Teachers

Offers and requests