The Secret To Salma Hayek's Success

Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!

American Apparel
San Francisco, California

Posted on December 11, 2017
Body parts, Compliments, Default, Food, Girls, Hipsters, San Francisco, Stores

Just Start Fires

Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.

Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Posted on December 4, 2017
Dads, Default, Kids, Massachusetts, Questions, Stores

Crazy Like a Bunny

Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house…you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.

Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

Posted on November 1, 2017
Candy, Default, Holidays, Kids, New Jersey, Old folks, Questions, Stores, Women

Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can

Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!

Toy Store
Canadia

Posted on September 24, 2017
Canadia, Education, Kids, Moms, Money, Offers and requests, Parenting, Shopping, Should have used a condom, Stores, Toys, Wishes

Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut

Overheard by: Guy

Posted on September 20, 2017
Connecticut, Default, Feelings, Food, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Stores, Suits

Steve Miller: “Same Here.”

Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.

Produce Market
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber

Posted on August 29, 2017
Beauty, Florida, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Stores, Vagina

We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway

Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.

Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Lauren.

Posted on August 6, 2017
Canadia, Clothes, Default, Fashion, Food, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Stores

Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken

Five-year-old girl, happily: … And then I did it! I peed right in my pants!
Mom: Honey, you shouldn’t be proud of something like that. You should be embarrassed.
Five-year-old girl, even happier: Oh, okay! I’m embarrassed!

Whole Foods
Hadley, Massachusetts

Overheard by: velvin