Only If You Go to School in Kansas

Frat boy reading section titles: “Self-help, cooking, fiction.” …is fiction science?

Barnes & Noble
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: almost threw a book at him

Posted on January 21, 2017
Books, Frat boy types, Massachusetts, Questions, Stores, Stupidity

Luckily, I Was There to Apply Blush on Her While They Were Removing Her Lung

Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.

Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas

Posted on January 19, 2017
Beauty, Biotechs, Maladies, North America, On the phone, Stores, Texas, USA

That Better Not Be a Euphemism, Dude.

Buff manly guy, solemnly to friends: If worse comes to worst, we can always make S'mores.

Grocery Store
Southern California

Posted on November 29, 2016
Advice, California, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Stores, Words

If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day

Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.

Pet's Mart, Montana

Overheard by: Sadie

Posted on October 9, 2016
Frat boy types, Insults, Montana, Shopping, Stores, Stupidity

Stepford Children Know What's Good for Them

Four-year-old girl licking gelato off a tiny spoon: This tastes like electricity!
Mom: That's right, honey.

Piccomolo Gelato Shop
Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: Meaggoo

Posted on September 17, 2016
Compare and contrast, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Sensory experiences, Stores, Virginia, Weirdness

Our Prediction: Advertising Will Eventually Convince You That You Do

Girl #1 to friend (indicating a cream to get rid of razor burn bumps on the bikini area): Does this stuff work okay?
Girl #2: Yeah, it works, it just smells kinda funny.
Girl #1: I don’t care how it smells, it’s goin’ next to my vagina. I don’t need no strawberries.

Target
Winchester, Virginia

Overheard by: Kendra

Posted on August 31, 2016
Advice, Beauty, Default, Friends, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Shopping, Stores, Vagina, Virginia

There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.

Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)

Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts