And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie

Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don’t kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!

Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California

Posted on March 14, 2021
Advice, California, Dads, Etiquette, Girls, Kids, Movies, Restaurants, Sexuality

For the Last Time, That Was CPR

Bimbette #1: We need to find men to buy us drinks tonight — I only have, like, 10 bucks.
Bimbette #2: Why don’t you make out with Mom again? That worked last time.

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Posted on February 12, 2021
Advice, Bimbettes, Delaware, Family ties

Geography One: Self-Awareness Zero

Professor: The best time to study geography is in the morning after you've done the “walk of shame.” It will help you to keep your mind off of what you've done.” (cracks up) That's good shit.

Geography Classroom
Michigan State

Posted on February 8, 2021
Advice, Class, Default, Education, Geography, Michigan, Teachers

Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies

Guy to another: I don't know what to tell you… If she won't break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what's that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?

Bar
Austin, Texas

Posted on February 7, 2021
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Default, Guys, Maladies, Relationships, Texas

He’s Talking about Date Rape

Ghetto girl: Yo, I can’t wait to get back to my dorm and just take a nap.
Ghetto guy: Heh… Well, you know, just don’t let that nap turn into, you know, some sleep… Y’know what I mean?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey

Posted on January 28, 2021
Advice, Black people, New Jersey

Do You Think I Would Fail His Class?

Asian hipster: People stare at him, and he resents them for staring at him. But I’m like, ‘Maybe you should bathe!’
Jewish hipster: You should give him an elephant tranquilizer or something.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/05/people-in-valley-like-elephants-what-is.html

Overheard by: Glowien

Posted on January 8, 2021
Advice, Cleanliness, Hipsters, Overheard in the Valley

My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going

Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.

Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts

Posted on December 5, 2020
Advice, Default, Friends, Guys, Massachusetts, Masturbation, Post offices, Weirdness, Wishes

This Is Why I Divorced Your Father

Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid's face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can't lay down on the floor.

Portland, Maine