Given Time

Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?

Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Deathly Confused

According to My Logic Professor

Guy: If you can like anal, you can like feet!

George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia

I Demolished That Problem Set, Yo.

Thug #1: Yo, nigga! I will beat you up! You hear me? I will demolish your ass!
Thug #2: Nah man, nah. I’ll beat your ass!
Thug #1: Fuck that, nigga, fuck that.
(pause)
Thug #1: Yo, nigga, what was our physics homework for last night?
Thug #2: Section 4. It’s on that Archimedes’ principle shit.

University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky

The Make-a-Wish Foundation Failed to Return Her Calls

Teenage girl: You know what I wish I had?
Teenage boy, not paying attention: Uh-huh.
Teenage girl: A penis… I’d just go shoving it into people’s butts.
Teenage boy: Wait… What?
Teenage girl, whispering to herself: I wish I had a penis.

Bus
Ottawa
Canadia

Kathy Griffin Loves Disneyland

Teen to another: I got so excited, I have wet butt syndrome!

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Overheard by: Kristen

And I Wouldn’t Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.

Old woman: It’s like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don’t go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!

Small Town
Nebraska

Your Friends Say It All the Time.

Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that’s not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!

Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey

Overheard by: Sarah

At Midnight It Turns Into a Pumpkin

Thug wannabe: Damn, you see that white girl? She got a magic booty.

Mall
Buford, Georgia

Overheard by: girl with the magical booty

The Immaculate Conception Story Has Gotten Skewed with Time

Frustrated waiter: It doesn’t matter if it was real or not. What matters is that it came out of her ass!

Cass Corridor
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: fox news

And I Was in the Boy Scouts.

Mover and shaker: I went to a military academy, I know about anal sex. I went to a military academy.

Austin, Texas