Comebacks

Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom’s friend: Well, that’s one for the baby book.

Pizza Hut
Maryland

Guy #1: Dude… that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.

Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois

Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Tadashi

Slutty chick to guy next to her: I'm not clever, but I'm sparkly!

New Orleans, Louisiana

White tourist: I’m really sorry — I don’t have any change. If I did, I’d give you some, but I don’t, so… sorry. Good luck with everything…
Black dude: Cracka, I’m ain’t homeless!

Hynes Convention Center subway stop
Boston, Massachusetts

Fashionable girl to singing man on bicycle: Excuse me, are you mentally ill or just musically inclined?

Düsseldorf
Germany

Overheard by: Anja Schwalm

Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn’t you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.

Frankenmuth, Michigan

Person #1: What's that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball?
Person #2: Castaway.
Person #1: Oh, I'm so bored… You're like the volleyball to me. I don't necessarily like you, but you're there and I'm alone.

Guam

Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was “push to flush.”

Bar
Michigan

Overheard by: I wasn't looking

20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: … Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.

Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Wallflower