Cute Cornrows!

Girl #1: It's so freezing right now! How are you not cold?? (shivering on a picnic bench).
Girl #2: (nonchalantly) I think it's because I'm trying to grow out my armpit hair.

California State University, East Bay

Posted on January 2, 2020
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Do You Have to Ask Me That Every Day?

College dude to sales associate: This is going to sound like a weird question, but do you have marijuana-scented air fresheners for cars?

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing behind a greeting card display

Posted on January 1, 2020
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There Are Men Out There Who Would Pay Top-Dollar for the Privilege.

Girl: Yeah, I brushed my teeth! (pause) You want to lick my gums and see?

Chinatown
Edmonton
Canadia

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on December 31, 2019
Body parts, Canadia, Default, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions

We'll Be Departing Just As Soon As These Pills Wear Off

Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.

American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on December 31, 2019
Airports & flights, Default, Georgia, Music, Nipples, Offers and requests, Pilots, Public transportation

Gay Men Can’t Drink Coffee? That’s Crazy.

Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath

Posted on December 30, 2019
Ass, Backdoor, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Character, Crazies, Default, Etiquette, Insults, Penis, San Francisco

All Those Guys Care About Is Gastronomy!

English professor, discussing The Beauty and the Beast: What was his name? Gustav? Gaston? Whatever, he's French, to hell with him!

University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Skye

Posted on December 29, 2019
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Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of… well, me.
Class: Um…
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: stravinsky