20-something: When I get a big-girl job, I'm going to go on weekend vacations all over the world… in this country.
International Airport
Cleveland, Ohio
20-something: When I get a big-girl job, I'm going to go on weekend vacations all over the world… in this country.
International Airport
Cleveland, Ohio
Fratty-looking queer #1: I need some lip balm. My lips feel all dried up, like…old fruit.
Fratty looking queer #2: You are an old fruit. (pause) No, really, you're 25, which means you're almost 30, which means you're almost dead.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: gymbo
Very old woman: I do like those fuck-me pumps, but they're terrible for my feet.
Hampden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Girl #1: He's planning on asking you out… He said he thinks you have a crush on him because you told him you think his hair looks sexy pushed back.
Girl #2: Really? I should reject him by telling him that I only date women of color.
Girl #1: Ha! Or say that you really don't want to get pregnant and die.
Girl #2: I can't. I'm sick. (coughs)
Girl #1: I wonder if you'd have to quote the whole movie before you destroyed his faith in humanity.
Princeton, New Jersey
Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)
Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia
Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.
Auckland
New Zealand
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Japanese student #1, in Japanese: Big boobs?
Japanese student #2, in English: Big boobs?
Vietnamese student, in English: Yes, but in English, we say “hooters.”
Translation Class
University of Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Young woman to girl, after car accident: Do you have car insurance or anything?
College girl: Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Young woman: … Uhh… That would be health insurance.
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Charlee
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
