Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I've done that several times!
James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.
Mexico City
Mexico
Overheard by: Kafnut
Distraught sorority girl: My mom won’t accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.
Social Psychology Class
Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Girl, looking down her shirt: I can’t tell if that’s pork or a hickey.
Friend: You’re so awesome!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Muffler
College girl #1: So did I tell you I’m going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I’ve lost all respect for her. She’s such a slut.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Lindsay
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn’t outright say it, but I’m sure she thinks I’m mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy…
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Teen: I couldn't tell if he meant “stop, exclamation point,” “don't, exclamation point,” or if he meant “don't stop, exclamation point.”
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that handjob wasn't going to finish itself, and I have a reputation, so I had no choice.
Friend: You're a goddamn trooper.
Syracuse Mall
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Just Exclaming!
