Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?

Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.

Starbucks
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Pips

Posted on August 9, 2019
Animals, Body parts, California, Feelings, Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Pee, Questions, Stupidity, Women

And by “Celebrating Mass” I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean

18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.

Mexico City
Mexico

Overheard by: Kafnut

Posted on July 26, 2019
Central America, Christianity, Friends, Kids, Teens

And Uncle Walter Won’t Stop Poking Me

Distraught sorority girl: My mom won’t accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.

Social Psychology Class
Florida

Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants

Posted on July 22, 2019
Class, Family ties, Feelings, Florida, Friends, Girls, Internet, Offers and requests, Sorority types

But I Believe That’s Your Nipple

Girl, looking down her shirt: I can’t tell if that’s pork or a hickey.
Friend: You’re so awesome!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Muffler

Posted on July 10, 2019
Body parts, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Washington, Words

Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I’m going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I’ve lost all respect for her. She’s such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

Posted on July 10, 2019
About celebrities, Australia, Default, Friends, Health & Hygiene, Sexuality, Sorority types

Mom Has Very High Standards

Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn’t outright say it, but I’m sure she thinks I’m mildly retarded.

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD

Posted on June 28, 2019
Canadia, Default, Family ties, Friends, Gossip, Gripes, Insults

Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna

Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy…
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.

The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky

Posted on June 25, 2019
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Chicks, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Friends, Kentucky, Sex, Sexuality

…Question Mark.

Teen: I couldn't tell if he meant “stop, exclamation point,” “don't, exclamation point,” or if he meant “don't stop, exclamation point.”
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that handjob wasn't going to finish itself, and I have a reputation, so I had no choice.
Friend: You're a goddamn trooper.

Syracuse Mall
Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: Just Exclaming!