Huge black guy to other (in fake British accent): Sir Oscar! Are you attempting to take a break?
LA Fitness
Tempe, Arizona
Huge black guy to other (in fake British accent): Sir Oscar! Are you attempting to take a break?
LA Fitness
Tempe, Arizona
Distressed girl in dining hall: Her questions go in a circle, then down to the corner and back. Except the teacher thinks they come all the way back but no, they don't. I'm still down at the corner thinking to myself, “Where the fuck am I?!”
Cornell College, Iowa
Ditz #1: …and then I was like, “Why did I fail spring semester, sir?” and then he was like, “You asked me if The Odyssey was an actual event, and stated that it was in every one of your papers on the subject, even after I told you it wasn't.”
Ditz #2: Wait, it wasn't?
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.
Elementary School
Los Angeles, California
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Middle aged man on phone: Maraud my castle?
Bath
England
Overheard by: Clara Lee
Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, “look, you really don't have a huge nose–you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose.”
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
Girl #1: Can I ask you something?
Girl #2: Is it about your new dog?
Girl #1: No.
Girl #2: Is it about John?
Girl #1: No…
Girl #2: Is it about work?
Girl #1: Have you ever heard of a rhetorical question?!
Girl #2: Oh, wow, I would not have guessed you were going to ask me that…
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Katy
Drunk guy: Do you hate me?
Drunk girl: No, no, I really don't.
Drunk guy: I always thought you did.
Drunk girl: No. (pause) I mean you're not my favorite person, but I like you fine.
Drunk guy: So we're friends?
Drunk girl: Definitely friends.
Drunk guy: Hug? To celebrate our new-found friendship?
Drunk girl: Sure (hugs him)
Drunk guy: Awesome! I'm so happy we're friends!
Drunk girl: Me too! (pause) I'm so drunk right now…
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Sarah
Teen girl #1: He offered it to me in church–I mean, who offers someone marijuana in church?
Teen girl #2: When else could he do it?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
