Mom: So tell me the truth. Was that your pregnancy test dad found in the trash?
Daughter: Jesus Christ, mom! No!
Mom: Okay, well, I just wanted to…
Daughter, interrupting: I wish it was my test! At least then I'd be having a good time!
YMCA
Nashville, Tennessee
Psychology professor: Sex is best. Money is second best. Domestic violence is pretty cool.
Los Angeles, California
Women in heels on cell: What? You had sex with a junkie? A junkie? (pause) Oh, a *donkey*. I see. (pause) So I guess you were drunk.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: walking & talking
Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!
ER
Newport Beach, California
College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: “Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!” I so need a shirt that says that.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes “Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?” And I go, “No, it's my feet, I swear!” Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Sociology professor: Today, we'll be talking about sex.
(students mumble)
Sociology professor: I heard that. (pause) How much do I know about it? Well, I can tell you: less than my cheating ex-girlfriend.
University Classroom
Virginia
Overheard by: Nicole
Girl straddling guy on student lounge sofa: I want to suck your face off.
Guy: I’m just trying to get laid.
Boston University Central
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Vomiting in mouth
Sober girl, crossing street: So what happened?
Tipsy girl: Well, everything was fine, I guess, but then the sex got really boring, so I had to let him go. Oh god, was that really loud?
Random stranger: Yup.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
