Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Girl to friend: I was like “whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year.”
Texas State University
20-something chick on cell: Hello? Seriously? It smelled like your balls last time you used it! (pause) Okay, I guess, make sure you rinse out that motherfucker! You too, bye.
Friend: What was that about?
20-something chick: My boyfriend wants to use my shower, and my loofah.
Friend: Oh.
San Antonio, Texas
Law student: The professor was late the first day because he couldn't find his keys until he realized they were in the ignition of his car, and then he came in and sat cross-legged on the desk and talked about Woodstock. So it could be worse, I suppose.
University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Jennifer
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean… that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Gay hairdresser: Ew, I don't think I could handle seeing dead people all gross and stuff!
Teenage girl getting haircut: You know, it's really not that bad… I kinda like it!
Straight hairdresser: Working downtown scares me sometimes…
Salem, Oregon
Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.
University of Maine
Orono, Maine
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: “Orange” isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? “Fuck” is my favorite word. Also, “lackadaisical.” How about “lackadaisical fuck”? (laughs)
Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
