The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had

Effeminate boy #1: And he said “my penis is so big I can't control it.”
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says “it's not long enough go down.” I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word “pee” comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!

Friendship Heights
Washington, DC

Overheard by: aimc

Posted on October 9, 2015
Age and ageing, Compare and contrast, Pee, Penis, Queers, Science, Stupidity, Washington, DC, Words

You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years

Freshman: Are Arby’s sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby’s sandwiches are Jesus Christ!

Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona

Posted on October 6, 2015
Advice, Arizona, Compare and contrast, Food, Jesus, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Teens

No More Scientific American for You, Young Lady.

Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.

Seattle, Washington

Posted on October 5, 2015
Animals, Balls, Body parts, Compare and contrast, Education, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Questions, Students, Teachers, Washington

And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek

Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.

Montreal
Canadia

Overheard by: Not on the boat

Posted on October 4, 2015
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Friends, Gossip, Sex, Virginity, Words

You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.

Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 3, 2015
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Family ties, Moms, Parenting, Stupidity, Teens, TV shows

A Fun and Flirty One

Guy #1: Yo, fathead! Going to prison is just a fact of life. Everybody goes at least once.
Guy #2: I know, man…I'm just gonna miss the daily hustle.
Guy #1: Like I said, you're not a man till you've worn a jumpsuit.

Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Hannah H

Posted on October 1, 2015
Clothes, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Guys, Tennessee

How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on September 22, 2015
Age and ageing, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Cops, Crimes, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Friends, Relationships, Sexuality, Sorority types, Weirdness, Wisconsin

I'm Cuckoo As a Table-Saw Today.

Director of the office of judicial affairs: It was a blizzard. It was snowing so much, it was snowing like a pig. (pause) I have no idea why I just said that.

Orientation
University, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Emurii

Posted on September 20, 2015
Animals, Bosses, Compare and contrast, Massachusetts, Weather, Weirdness

That's Not Quite How I Remember the Ending Of “Little Red Riding Hood”…

Loud woman: But she said it wasn't a Target! It was a Wal-Mart. And then the grandmother didn't die. And she's still alive today!

Panda East
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on September 19, 2015
Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Default, Family ties, Massachusetts, Weirdness, Women

At the Non Sequitur Quarterfinals

College guy #1: Castaway is such a good movie… except why is it called Castaway? He wasn't cast away, he was just… lost.
College guy #2: Well, I guess he was kind of cast out of society because he was lost, you know?
College guy #1: Yeah…I still don't get it. It's not like someone came up to him and was like “Hey you, I'm casting you away!”
College guy #2: Right. Hey, you know what's another really good movie? Nanook of the North. It has an igloo in it!

Camp Randall Sports Center
Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on September 16, 2015
Compare and contrast, Guys, Movies, Questions, Stupidity, Wisconsin, Words

Compare and contrast