Guy #1: I can seriously never eat Cup noodles again.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: Because yesterday I was taking a dump and I felt it come out but I never heard it hit the water, so I looked down and it's dangling by a noodle!
Guy #2: Is that even possible?
California
Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn't ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.
Flight over Atlanta, Georgia
Obviously gay guy: I mean, I'm not surprised at all that people think I'm gay. I've got this high voice, I'm bitchy, and I like to wear dresses.
Friend: (nods in approval)
Dining Hall
UNC Chapel Hill
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
College tour guide, passing crying student: College is hard. You will cry.
Willamette University
Salem, Oregon
Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!
Panera
Howell, New Jersey
Girl on phone: He says that we can't be together because it bothers him that we're cousins, and we were intimate. I think it's because doctors are more sensitive to that kind of thing than the rest of us.
Train, New Jersey
Overheard by: NoNoK
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, “Nah, that's just the drugs talking.”
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
