Offers and requests

Super drunk girls to random dude passing by: Could you take our picture?
Random dude: Sure, no problem! (pause) Three… Two… But try not to look too whorish…

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Offended on their behalf

Obscenely tall man: I’m sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And… I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Female Mets fan: I’d let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.

Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York

Overheard by: aaron

Queer: You should move to Texas. You haven't been there yet.
Chick: Are you kidding? I am in no way hot enough to live in Texas. For one thing, I'd need way bigger boobs.
Queer: Oh, honey. That's what plastic surgery is for!

The Castro
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: lucy

Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students’ e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]

Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia

Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment…

Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us “anorexic whores” and tells us she'd rather be “doming up” guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like “get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!”

Toronto
Canadia

Guy sitting on bench: So can I borrow your crack pipe tomorrow?
Girl sitting next to him: No, it's dirty, remember? I still need to wash it out.

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Travis

Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!

Toy Store
Canadia

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut

Overheard by: Guy

Teacher: What you get from Beatlerama depends on what you bring to it.

Science class
Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: mollydear