Parenting

Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Smallison

Daddy: If you don't eat…
Three-year-old boy: You'll hit my butt? I like it when you hit my butt, it feels good on my super wee-wee!

Chick-fil-A
Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: Carrie

(little girl is spinning and singing in grocery store line)
Dad, very calmly: Honey… Next time the gypsies come to town, they're leaving with an extra person.

Severna Park, Maryland

Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering: A glass cutter!

Hardware Store
San Francisco, California

Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!

Jersey City
New Jersey

Grandma, with camera, to grandson (on Father's Day): Jordan! Go pose over there next to dad, dad, and daddy.

Macaroni Grill
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: SoConfused

Young boy, pointing enthusiastically at a goat: Dad! Dad! Look! That goat has some big ol' balls!
Father, indulgently: Mmm-hmm. I like that one.

San Antonio, Texas

Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.

Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia

Mother to kid: Stop that right now, or I'm going to give you to a stranger!
Stranger: Good luck finding one who'll take her.

The Baltimore Aquarium
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Cols

Teen daughter: Mom, what does an orgasm feel like?
Mom, looking at older daughter: Ask your sister, she'd probably know better than I would.

Portland, Oregon