Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady

20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Posted on June 7, 2018
California, Default, Friends, Girls, Maladies, Pee, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants, Sex, Wishes

And That Includes the Guy Who Kept Trying to Stab Me with His Toast-Points

Goofy man wearing “pimp” shirt and “I love boobies” bracelet: Yes! Our theater is closer to my bathroom. Ha ha, you lose!
Attractive brunette : You are the worst blind date ever!

Movie Theater
Monterey ,California

Overheard by: Arkham patient

Posted on June 1, 2018
California, Default, Guys, Relationships, Stupidity, Women

I Guess Shaking My Hand After Sex Is a Good Compromise

Middle aged woman: I want him to think of me as the kind of friend who shakes your hand, not the friend you jump into bed with.

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Posted on May 29, 2018
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Illinois, Relationships, Sexuality, Women

I Bought Her at the Adult Store

Man on cell: I don’t feel I owe you anything! … But I didn’t even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!

Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Steve E

Posted on May 21, 2018
Canadia, Default, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On the phone, Relationships

Next Time, Do It in Your Coy, Playful Way!

Angry Jersey girl on cell: No, you hung up on me in your manic, crazy way.

Church Tag Sale
New Jersey

Posted on May 19, 2018
Feelings, Girls, New Jersey, On the phone, Relationships, Weirdness

I Wondered About the Beanie

Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.

Kent State University
Kent, Ohio

Posted on May 11, 2018
Bimbettes, Colleges & Universities, Gifts, Ohio, Questions, Relationships, Religion

…With My Face Pasted on the Panther.

Chick #1: I met him when I was taking my picture in to be framed.
Chick #2: Was it a naked photo of you?
Chick #1: It was a naked lady on a panther.

Michigan

Overheard by: Meister E

Posted on April 12, 2018
Animals, Default, Girls, Michigan, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

…When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.

Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.

Bridgeport, Connecticut

Posted on February 20, 2018
Black people, Connecticut, Food, Health & Hygiene, Offers and requests, Relationships, Sex

Isn't This a Show on TLC?

Guy to girl: I know these people out in Colorado, and they're like totally brother and sister, and they're married! I mean, they had to sign something saying they'd never have children, but they're totally married!

Nightclub Bathroom
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: RW

Posted on February 15, 2018
Family ties, Guys, Missouri, Relationships, Restroom, Weirdness

Say Something to Me in C++

Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.

Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC

Posted on February 11, 2018
Bragging, Default, Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Girls, Guys, Relationships, Stupidity, Technology, Train, Washington, DC

Relationships