Relationships

Good Thing Pluto Didn’t Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You’re a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I’m good-looking. You’re-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I’ll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you’re gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex’s dick when you’re supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she’s going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.

District Bar
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Big D

50-something Southern belle: We got married last year and he refused to leave for the honeymoon until he went gator hunting. We didn't consummate for three days!

South Carolina

Husband to wife: I've been married to you for 35 years and I still don't understand your thought process on trout.

Florence, Kentucky

Tourist mom: What would Carol think of all this?
Seven-year old son: Her name is Coral, and I told you we broke up!

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Guy: It's great because it's like we're bros, and we hang out, but I also get to look at your tits.
Girl: Yeah! (high five)

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Ben

Girl #1: I never saw what you saw in him.
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right. I was bored. It's like the whole “never go grocery shopping hungry” thing–I guess one should never jump into a relationship when bored or lonely.

Coffeehouse
Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Sweet Tea

Physics major #1: Well, I lost my credit and debit cards, so I had to call and cancel them.
Physics major #2: Oh yeah, those girls who took off your pants, right?

McGill University
Canadia

Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean…
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!

Culpeper, Virginia

Overheard by: freudian follower

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin