Girlfriend: Ugh, I can't think about hot dogs or sausages when I eat them. I can't bare to think what body parts I'm eating.
Boyfriend: Oh, hush. Look at what else you eat.
Girlfriend: I know, but I like you! And I wouldn't eat your arm!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Professor: Now, I want you to listen to what McCormack does with this last phrase. And then I want you to go slit your wrists. Because I know I do every time I hear this.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Emo has nothing on opera
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles… Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go “sproinnnnng!”
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended…
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: “hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton.”
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here…
Woman: Definitely. I had both feet in the door, but now it's just one foot in the door.
Man: I hate doors.
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
Grocery bagger to another: Yeah, man — just last month I spent over a hundred bucks on my balls!
Overheard by: Chey
Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?
Stockton College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Charlie
Underage girl: I don't close my legs. (more defiantly) I won't.
Norman Regional Hospital
Norman, Oklahoma
Guy #1: Sometimes it's hard being a guy.
Guy #2: Why is that?
Guy #1: Well, I try to stay focused and get shit done, but every time a female walks by I feel obligated to turn around and check out her tits and ass. I just want to get through a project without being distracted by tits and ass.
Guy #2: Yeah, but don't you worry you might miss the world's greatest tits and ass?
Guy #1: Exactly!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: sean
Guy: I couldn't get past her face. And then I did, and it was like, ugh.
Utah State University
Overheard by: Jan
