Sorority girl #1: I should, like, just wear mini skirts all the time.
Sorority girl #2: Why?
Sorority girl #1: I have great legs, they’re my best asset. [quiet pause] But I don’t like my personality.
Dressing Room at Buffalo Exchange
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Yes! She just redeemed herself
Nerdy guy: Apparently it somehow involves running, but I’ve never ran before so I don’t know how.
UCLA Ackerman Terminal
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Juanito
TA: It’s like Anna Karenina in two hours, with shotguns and Satan.
UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Girl #1: Owww, my sternum hurts. Wait…I have one of those, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Don’t only boys have sternums?
[pause]Girl #3: I think you’re thinking of scrotum…
University of Scranton
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Woman to man: She said that if she leaves her husband, I can have the handcuffs.
UC Berkeley’s campus
Berkeley, California
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Poetry professor: I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word “sniffing” I think of sex!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Overheard by: S. Van-Ho
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I’m in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Professor: Cats aren’t capable of going into your home, judging what items are valuable, and dragging those items away.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don’t know, so I’m trying to learn all these alphabets… I must be paranoid, I don’t know.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: l_tau
