Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Little girl: Where’s Ben*?
Father: He’s in heaven, honey.
Little girl: Still?!
Preschool
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Girl: Dang, it's raining!
Boy: Do you have an umbrella?
Girl: Yeah. I hate umbrellas.
Boy, surprisingly vehemently: Suck it up!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
College girl, yelling at friend: I mean, I hooked up with everyone in Sigma Nu before I was dating him! Why wouldn't I keep hooking up with everyone in Sigma Nu now?
Starbucks
Los Angeles, California
Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!
Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee
20-something boyfriend: What's it called when girls put brown around their lips?
20-something girlfriend: Lip liner?
20-something boyfriend: Yeah. Why don't you wear that?
20-something girlfriend: Because it's not 1995, and I'm not going on the Ricki Lake show.
Manhattan, New York
Daughter: What’s the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Man, taking seat in airport lounge: Wow, this is the first time I've worn pants since…
Woman with him: Since the last time we flew. Feels weird, doesn't it?
Airport Lounge
North Carolina
Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.
High School
Sweden
Overheard by: Malin
