Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch

Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That’s a very personal question. That’s like if I asked you, “Has it started yet?”

Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California

Overheard by: heerothewizard

Posted on January 28, 2026
California, Chicks, Comebacks, Education, Etiquette, Gender issues, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Relationships, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers, Tweens

And If I Eat That I Get a Rash

Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!

Waterloo, Iowa

Posted on January 25, 2026
Doctors, Fruit, Health & Hygiene, Iowa, Poop, Questions

From the Three’s Company Cutting-Room Floor

Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It’s funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: should’ve stayed at the library…

Posted on January 24, 2026
Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Etiquette, Feelings, Frat boy types, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Poop, Questions, Sorority types

I Thought the Figure on the Door Was Sporting a Jaunty Kilt

Man in stall on the left: Bill, I think we’re in the wrong bathroom.
Man in stall on the right: Yeah, I think I just figured that out.

Women’s restroom at United Center
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: the girl in the stall between them

Posted on January 24, 2026
Compare and contrast, Fears, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Questions, Restroom

Isn’t That the Title of an Inspirational Children’s Book?

Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I’m brown?

Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Posted on January 22, 2026
Black people, Compare and contrast, Kids, Massachusetts, Questions, Race

Kid Must’ve Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store

Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom’s friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom’s friend: Because you’re annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!

Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois

Posted on January 21, 2026
Character, Etiquette, Family ties, Friends, Guys, Illinois, Insults, Kids, Moms, Questions, Should have used a condom, Stores

I’d Love to See That Resume

Cashier: Ok, you can step directly over to the salad tosser.
Surprised guy ordering: Her title is “Salad tosser”?

Arby’s Marketfresh
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on January 20, 2026
Employees, Euphemisms, Food, Georgia, Guys, Licking, Names, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants, Words

And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on January 15, 2026
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Compliments, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Feelings, Florida, Guys, Questions

Mrs. Claus’s Given Name Was Derek

Little boy to big sister walking behind him: Do you believe in Santa?
Big sister: No! Keep walking.
[big sister shoves him].
Little brother: I heard Santa dislikes girls.

County Fair
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: jake

Posted on January 14, 2026
California, Girls, Kids, Questions, Santa Claus, Siblings, Tourist attractions

Does Your Violin Bow Double As a Crowbar?

Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!

Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas

Posted on January 7, 2026
Asians, Bragging, Default, Guys, Pop culture, Pride, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teens, Texas, Wishes

Questions