Student: I just have a question about the alphabet.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Student: I just have a question about the alphabet.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Teacher: In a representative democracy, if you don’t like who’s in office, what can you do?
Student: Impeach him!
Teacher: Well, that’s too drastic, what else?
Same student: Assassination?
9th Grade World Geography Class
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: amused teacher’s aide
Freshman #1: So… where is he from?
Freshman #2: He’s from the part of Georgia where they ass-rape you.
Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: New Yorker hopefully about to graduate
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of ’68? [silence] I always ask. I’m hoping at some point I’ll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said “Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow.” Isn’t that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you’re supposed to think about Jesus when you’re having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh… I get it now.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: …. I don’t think anyone gets it.
Preppy brunette on cell: So did you hear? Hillary won the primaries yesterday! [Pause.] Wait, you mean there’s more than one?
JMU Bookstore
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: baffled
Girl #1: It was cause and effect, he bit me on my hip.
Girl #2: So you slept with him?
Kalamazoo, Mississippi
Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you’re so idealistic…
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, “Yay, it’s Ramadan!”
Girl: So, like … “Yay, I’m not eating or having sex most of the day!”?
Ottawa
Canadia
Guy to friend: Dude, you just now figured out that The Beatles suck?
Public School
Las Vegas, Nevada
