How Little You Wear Under It Is Up to You

Woman holding long sweater: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: What is this? Is this a dress?
Employee: It's one of those… long… sweaters…

H&M, Water Tower Place
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 20, 2015
Clothes, Clothing, Default, Employees, Illinois, Questions, Shopping, Stores, Women

Joking in Florida Is Always Risky

Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)

Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Stole something instead

Posted on June 17, 2015
Default, Employees, Florida, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Shopping, Stores, Weirdness

I’m Not Pregnant!

Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than… wait, what?!

Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Posted on June 15, 2015
Birthing, Compliments, Default, Employees, Foreigners, Girls, Maine, Old folks, Stores, Weirdness, Women

Hey, You’re the Experienced Pet-Sitter!

Cashier on cell phone: I mean… What’s the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?

Shoprite
New Jersey

Overheard by: allison

Posted on June 4, 2015
Cum, Default, Employees, Etiquette, Gripes, New Jersey, On the phone, Questions, Relationships, Stores

…'s Guide to Astrophysics?

Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.

Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Posted on December 4, 2014
Books, Customers, Default, Employees, Girls, Pop culture, Questions, Stores, Stupidity, Wisconsin

If You'd Like Further Proof Of Age, I'll Give You a Rant About the Price Of Orange Juice

Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!

Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: betsy

Posted on December 2, 2014
Age and ageing, Default, Guys, Louisiana, Maladies, Names, Stores

He's in Training for the Cobra Fight

Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.

Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Minivet

Posted on November 22, 2014
Default, Family ties, Maryland, Moms, Money, Parenting, Stores, Violence, Weirdness

Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle

Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy: That was awful!
Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!

Whole Foods
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Kafrin

Posted on November 21, 2014
California, Clothes, Dads, Default, Games, Guys, Kids, Questions, Sensory experiences, Stores, Words

Recession Watch: Outlook Not So Good

(a man and a woman are looking at a crib)
Woman: Look how pretty!
Man: But would you really be comfortable sleeping in that?

Furniture Store
Umea
Sweden

Overheard by: Johanna

Posted on November 20, 2014
Compare and contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, Questions, Stores, Sweden, Women

Why Do You Have to Bring Ross Perot Into Everything?

Old man employee:… So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia…
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I’d rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!

Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: kat

Posted on November 19, 2014
California, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Feelings, Guys, Old folks, Stores

Stores

I’m Not Pregnant!