…Who Refuses to Be Confined to a Single Cell.

Girl: I am not an amoeba, I'm a free man!

Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia

Posted on April 12, 2010
Animals, Australia, Compare and contrast, Girls, Train, Weirdness

Tonight on Ask Nurse Ninja

Woman on cell: You know what you should do? You should punch her in the temple. (pause) Well, you need to punch her in the temple so you can resolve this in a professional manner.

MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on February 7, 2010
Advice, Body parts, Georgia, On the phone, Train, Violence, Women

I Assume Everyone's Seen Independence Day?

Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency… you all know what to do.

Train
St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on December 16, 2009
Advice, Conductors, Missouri, Public transportation, Train

He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song

Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.

Metro
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Reject

Posted on December 15, 2009
Conductors, Public transportation, Threats, Train, Washington, DC

Oh Yes, Mummy– Ever So!

Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.

Posted on December 1, 2009
California, Feelings, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Questions, Train

Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me

Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?

Train
Sydney
Australia

Posted on November 15, 2009
Australia, Couples, Offers and requests, Train, Violence, Weirdness

The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend

Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on September 10, 2009
Chicks, Insults, Massachusetts, Penis, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Threats, Thugs, Train, Wishes

That Would End the Fun and Games

Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Smallison

Posted on August 4, 2009
Animals, Body parts, Guys, Massachusetts, On the phone, Parenting, Public transportation, Train

More Important Than You Knew

Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say “fucker de matriz” in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) “motherfucker”.
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, “muthafucka!”
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!

ViaRail Train
Canadia

Overheard by: Jim

Posted on July 30, 2009
Canadia, Couples, Foreigners, Insults, Offers and requests, Train, Wishes, Words

A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID

Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.

Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC

Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever

Posted on July 29, 2009
Body parts, Compare and contrast, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Students, Train, Washington, DC