Boy holding a box of revolutionary war army men: Mom, who won this war?
Mom: Y’know, I’m not sure.
Craft Store
Wisconsin
Student: I just have a question about the alphabet.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Retail lady: He fucked me really hard last night. When I woke up all this liquid came out.
Banana Republic
Orange County, California
Serious girl: You have to clean your bathroom or else there’ll be hungry ghosts lurking behind your toilet.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.
JetBlue Flight
Freshman #1: So… where is he from?
Freshman #2: He’s from the part of Georgia where they ass-rape you.
Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: New Yorker hopefully about to graduate
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Guy on cell: And all I could say was: “Thank God… I have my surfboard with me!”
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Nerdy guy: Apparently it somehow involves running, but I’ve never ran before so I don’t know how.
UCLA Ackerman Terminal
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Juanito
